There is that often used expression that we should all use our ears and mouth with the same relation to how many we have of them… Two ears and one mouth meaning we ought to listen twice as much as we speak.
Lots of people say that they feel better after a good talk, or as a result of venting and processing what is on their mind. Others often say that they feel unheard or not listened to, or what they say does not seem important to those close to them…
Many relationship expert that I have encountered state that a bedrock and foundation of a healthy relationship is one whereby each person in the relationship feels as if they are heard and listened to by their partner.
So with this final blog entry in this recent series of techniques using hypnosis to advance our relationships, we’re learning to listen really effectively to advance your relationships.
Regarding the word ‘partner’ – some people have issues with this word; this could be your spouse, your boyfriend/girlfriend or whatever term you prefer to use, but let the word partner represent whoever you are in your personal relationship with currently rather than get bogged down with the right word.
Eight Steps For Learning To Listen With Hypnotic Attentiveness And Genuine Interest:
Step One: Induce hypnosis. You can do so by any means you desire or know of. You can use the process in my Science of self-hypnosis book, use the free audio we give away on this website to practice or have a look at the following articles as and when you need them; they are basic processes to help you simply open the door of your mind:
Heavy Arm Self-Hypnosis Induction Method
Using Eye Fixation for Self-Hypnosis
The Chiasson Self-Hypnosis Method
Hand to Face Self-Hypnosis Induction
Using Magnetic Hands for Self-Hypnosis
The Coin Drop Self-Hypnosis Induction
However, with this process, an induction is potentially too much activity, so I teach my clients how to adopt a hypnotic mindset and simply have a mindset that is positive and expectant. Again, to really understand the cognitive set of the hypnotic mindset, go grab a copy of my Science of self-hypnosis book where it is explained in simple but comprehensive terms.
Once you have induced hypnosis, move on to step two.
Step Two: Imagine that person that you are in a relationship with, in a typical situation of your life. See him or her there in front of you. Notice what they are wearing, how they are positioned, be aware of the expression on his/her face, and really pay attention to how they are in this moment.
Tell yourself that as you focus and engage your imagination this way, you go deeper inside your mind and that you relax physically more and more.
Engage with the environment you are both in too. Note the colours and sights of this place. Notice the dimensions of the space you are in, how the shadows and light alter in different parts of it. Hear the sounds of this place, sounds of people and also the sounds of you, your thoughts, feelings and sensations.
Once you have created this scene and truly engaged your imagination allowing yourself to go deeper inside your mind, then move on to the next step.
Step Three: You now go quiet inside your mind… You can do this in all manner of different ways.
Imagine that you have a volume control for your internal dialogue and imagine that you turn the volume down. Take your time doing this and just turn it all down so that you go quiet inside your mind.
You could just say inside your mind the word “ssssshhhhhh” in a hushed, gentle tone to yourself and notice how things go quiet in your head.
You could imagine a low, gentle tone in your mind that you can focus on first of all, then let it get quieter as your mind hushes.
A great technique I learnt from Eric Robbie was to actually hold your tongue still with your fingers, and the micro movements that usually accompany your internal dialogue stop to help your dialogue stop. I don’t recommend doing that in a self-hypnosis session. Therefore, you can imagine your tongue being firmly grasped and held still.
Another similar technique is to imagine holding a drop of oil on the tip of your tongue against the roof of your mouth and keeping the tongue still, the mind focused and in turn quiets the mind.
Take your time and get your mind to be as quiet as you can. Do remember that some people dedicate their entire lives to peace of mind and getting their inner voice to be quiet, so you do not have to create utter silence; that may be unrealistic. So go as quiet as you can inside your mind.
The reason for doing this is that it is going to enable you to focus on the other person’s communication with less distraction and more focus. Whenever you feel that you have adequately hushed your mind, then move on to the next step.
Step Four: Engage with the space you imagined in step two again, and look at your partner. Watch with interest, watch actively as your partner now communicates with you.
Listen with intent and interest. Listen actively.
Note the words that are being spoken and let the words register with you, let them be heard firstly, and then ensure you understand them, ensure they register with you. You might imagine the words reaching your ears and your ears accepting those sounds, those words, those ideas and taking them inside for them to resonate with you and your brain – making sure they are heard, actively understood and enjoyed.
Notice that you do enjoy listening in this way. It makes you feel good to listen and pay attention. When you know that you are fully paying attention and actively listening to what your partner is saying, then move on to the next step.
Step Five: As you listen more and learn more, notice how the sound travels through you, how the words connect with you. Within the self-hypnosis session, maybe imagine the symbolic words reaching you, resonating within you and being received in such a way that feels good.
You notice how the words being spoken travel through your ears and connect with your brain, ensuring those words get remembered well, and that they are easier to recall with more and more accuracy.
Also notice how the words connects with your mind and your ‘gut’, so you feel better and better and enjoy listening more. Perhaps you can imagine the words having an uplifting and enjoyable, pleasant effect upon your feelings, with a tangible sensation that accompanies them.
Enjoy the sensation that spreads across your brain, and that spreads through your tummy and into every cell of your being that grows as each word registers, giving you enjoyable and pleasant sensations as a result of paying attention and listening so actively and attentively.
When the words have stopped and your partner has finished speaking, move on to the next step.
Step Six: Now watch how the bond between you both develops – maybe you can imagine a light, or a sense of some kind or something that connects the two of you, that represents the bond you share – noticing it strengthening and becoming better developed. Use your imagination in whatever way is best for you and really notice a metaphorical and advanced bond developing as a result of your listening.
Notice how that person is smiling in some way, almost as if the smile is coming from a deeper place within them and you can sense that your relationship is enhancing and advancing as a result of you listening so well.
Take all the time necessary for you to see in metaphoric terms in your imagination that your listening has truly made a positive difference to your relationship.
Then when you are sure of that, move on to the next step.
Step Seven: Start to tell yourself that this happens more and more in real-life. That it happens outside of your hypnosis sessions.
Each time you engage in conversation or are in the same space as your partner (or spouse or whatever term you prefer) that you innately know when to listen with this depth of interest, and you know to pay attention and engage and you also notice the way it enhances your relationship.
Think about some times that are coming up, times that you know you’ll be with your partner, and you’ll be listening in this new way, making sure that you are enhancing and developing your relationship. Perhaps even mentally rehearse how that is going to go, and how that happens in the future.
Once you have thought about those upcoming occasions, then you can move on to the next and final step.
Step Eight: Exit hypnosis. Take a couple of deeper, energising breaths, wiggle your fingers and toes, count yourself up and out from 1 to 5 and open your eyes.
Go and place yourself in those situations and start to actively listen and notice how enjoyable it is, notice how your bond develops and the relationship is enhanced.
I hope you have enjoyed this mini-series of processes to help your relationships. I shall be back and onto another theme soon.
If you’d like to learn more or if this article has resonated with you in some way, then visit these pages:
1. Have issues or themes such as those mentioned here held you back and/or are they still doing so now?
Coaching with Adam Eason Or Hypnotherapy with Adam Eason.
2. Would you like a satisfying and meaningful career as a hypnotherapist helping others to overcome issues and deal with themes such as those mentioned here?
Adam Eason’s Anglo European training college.
3. Are you a hypnotherapist for whom similar issues and themes are detrimentally effecting the success of your business?
Hypnotherapist Mentoring with Adam Eason.
If you’d like to learn more about self-hypnosis, understand the evidence based principles of it from a scientific perspective and learn how to apply it to many areas of your life while having fun and in a safe environment and have the opportunity to test everything you learn, then come and join me for my one day seminar which does all that and more, have a read here: The Science of Self-Hypnosis Seminar.