“Surround yourself with people who add value to your life. Who challenges you to be greater than you were yesterday? Who sprinkles magic into your existence, just like you do to theirs? Life isn’t meant to be done alone. Find your tribe, and journey freely and loyally together.”
– Alex Elle.
Everyone wants to be where they belong. From early on in our lives, we tend to seek out people who are as like-minded as us or we are drawn to such people. People who share our ideologies and qualities. To say that we are finding our tribe means searching for people with whom we can connect with in a wide variety of ways – our essence, values and morals or who have shared similar life experiences and so we share an understanding with. Being surrounded by the people who challenge you to be your best self, celebrate you for who you are, and make your life worth living can foster personal and professional growth. It contributes to long-term happiness and emotional and physical well-being. Moreover, your own kind of people can provide you with a sense of purpose and protects you from stress, anxiety, and depression.
For a tribe to be healthy and mutually beneficial for every single member, it is important that all members respect, trust, and are honest with each other. There should be no unjust judgement and aim to be authentic. It requires everyone to make an effort and perhaps be vulnerable in front of one another. Seeing others be vulnerable not only gives us reassurance that we are not alone but it also provides us with an opportunity to open ourselves up with others and share stories that fosters receptivity and encourages openness.
Some people are automatically attracted to their type of people. Others, however, find it a bit more challenging to find their tribe. In this article, I’m sharing a few ways you can use to know and find your own tribe.
- Try New Things
Trying new things in life can also make us more aware of our true selves. Experiment with new jobs, activities, interests, hobbies, and opportunities. Don’t be too afraid to try out something new, and try being more willing to step out of your comfort zone; when you try out new things, you discover what interests you and what doesn’t. Experimenting with your likes and dislikes can draw you closer to your truer self. You can even find like-minded people whose interests and goals align with yours. But for doing so, it is important to you become open to the opportunities life provides you.
Don’t be too uptight and hesitant to seek what life has in store for you. Don’t try to be too risk averse. Sometimes you have to try new things to explore your hobbies and interest and find the people who share your traits. For example, you can join a cooking class, cycle, go bowling, ride, or go swimming.
Not only will you be able to discover where your interest and passion lie, but you will also be able to make new friends and find your own tribe. If you are unsure where to start, maybe sign up for a community club of some sort. It could be a fun start for you. In addition to helping you find your tribe, trying out new things also allows you to learn new skills, stimulate creativity, and expand your sense of accomplishment. So, be always willing and open to trying out new things in life.
- Be Compassionate to yourself.
“Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.”
Love yourself. You must be compassionate to yourself. You become more confident when you embrace your imperfections, accept yourself, and love yourself for who you are. This self-confidence not only helps you step out of your comfort zone and approach more people, but it also makes you more attractive to others, and they approach you too. Thereby increasing your chances of finding your tribe. Know that you are beautiful, smart, and caring and deserve to be loved. Anyone would be lucky to have you in their lives. Hopefully, by being more compassionate and self-confident, you will soon find yourself surrounded by the right kind of people. Read these articles for more on the topic of self-compassion:
a) How to Develop Self-Compassion.
b) Advance Self-Compassion.
Tell yourself that you deserve to feel more empowered and confident, and you are truly confident when you fully accept all your flaws and imperfections. Confidence is something you need to be more resilient and to be more motivated. When you are confident, you are likely to find it easier to progress . You can achieve more things that you put your mind to. You are usually less fearful and more willing to try out new things in life. Of course, you can become more attractive to the right people for you. So, remind yourself of all these enormous benefits of being more confident and bear in mind that you can only avail all these benefits once you become compassionate to yourself.
- Be Patient
Know what it takes to find the people who are right for you. The ones whose energy and personality match perfectly with your energy and personality. Such people may be hard to come by since they are rare gems. However, you only need one person to start your own tribe. You don’t need a lot. Establishing a soulful and meaningful connection with that one person will soon, hopefully, lead you to other people who are just like you. This means that you wait, be patient, and be true to yourself. So, wait for the right time and trust the process. Don’t rush it. Rushing the process and being hasty may lead to you being with the wrong people.
- Be Grateful for everything you have
Being grateful makes us more emotionally stable and likeable people. This increases our chances of people liking us and approaching us. At times when emotions like sadness and grief envelope us and our brains find it hard to cope with feelings of helplessness, gratitude comes to our rescue. Practising gratitude can help us understand our emotions and grow and heal around our grief and sadness.
Practising gratitude fosters hope for the future, making us more forward-looking and optimistic, and improving emotional regulation. Practising gratitude is one of those things that you need to make a habit of. Being grateful improves both our mental health and physical health. A 2004 research study showed that practising gratitude on a daily basis can give a boost to the immune system, which allows human bodies to fight off potential bodily threats.
You can practice gratitude in a number of ways. Keeping a gratitude journal where you list down the things you have and the things you are grateful for every day is a very effective technique to incorporate more gratitude into your daily life. This list will serve as a reminder to you about the good in the world, and this practice will keep negative thoughts at bay and make you much more positive and optimistic. Read this article for more on this topic: The Science of Gratitude.
You can also try volunteering as a tangible way to practice gratitude. Volunteering and helping the less fortunate can make you more grateful for all the good fortune that has befallen you in life. It can also bolster your self-esteem by giving you an outlet to make a difference in the world. Being more grateful also serves as a mood booster. It makes us want to try out new things and make new friends. Therefore, being grateful for everything you have and everything is the most effective way to put a smile on your face and find your tribe.
- Be Vulnerable
It is important to realise that vulnerability is not a weakness. It is your willingness to trust others with your feelings and emotions. Unless and until you are willing to open up, share your stories, and talk about your feelings with other people, you are less likely to build a real connection. No matter how long you have known a person and how much time you spend with someone else. You can establish a more soulful relationship with someone whenl things get real between you.
It may be uncomfortable for you to talk about your insecurities with someone and may as well make you even more uncomfortable, but know that it can be part of the process. Being vulnerable to someone and trusting that person is how you know that person is right for you. It builds trust and intimacy in a relationship. When you trust someone with your feelings, you give that person a chance to show their trustworthiness. Usually, people reciprocate this action and share their own insecurities and feelings with you. This strengthens the relationship between people. In addition to this, vulnerability is a sign of courage and resilience. This also attracts other people.
- Be your true self
Another important thing you can do to find your tribe is to become self-accepting and be your true self. Don’t pretend to be a person you are not. Even if you do make friends, you will never be able to create a meaningful connection with them since your friends would be nothing like you. You and your friends would not share the same traits, personalities or interests. And you will always keep on wondering if this is where you belong. So in order to find your tribe, it is important that you be your own true self. Don’t think that you won’t find anyone unless you pretend to be someone you are not. There is someone for everyone. Be at peace with yourself. And in order to do that, try to be more self-accepting.
To be more self-accepting, it is important that you don’t engage in self-loathing behaviour. Stop beating yourself up for every small mistake you make and tell yourself that you deserve to be loved and cared for. Another thing you can do to become more self-accepting is to get rid of people who are trying to pull you down. If people criticise you, give backhanded compliments, and point out your shortcomings, don’t overthink it and distance yourself from that person.
You can also become more self-accepting by accepting affirmation and compliments from others. Not only would this bolster your self-esteem, but it would also help improve the way you feel about yourself. It is rude and impolite to reject a compliment. So next time, when someone compliments you and says you look pretty, don’t go on stating reasons why you don’t. Say thank you! Try not to fall prey to unrealistic standards.
Our world is full of such standards, which make us feel insecure about ourselves. The first step in trying to avoid such standards is to recognise their existence. Being a perfect student, measuring up to a family member, and having a perfect body are a few examples of such artificial standards that makes us go hard on ourselves. Spot such unrealistic standards in your life that make you self-critical and try to eliminate them from your life in order to become more self-accepting.
Hopefully, by being self-accepting and embracing your true self, you will grow more confident, which will help you find your tribe.
Although finding your tribe can be challenging, it is not impossible. People who are just like you and share your ideologies and interest are hard to come by, but once they come into your life, they will never leave you, and all your waiting will be worth it. Just be patient and trust the process. In our experience, “being vulnerable,” “trying out new things,” and “being compassionate to yourself” works the best when it comes to finding your tribe. It is important to note that the ways summarised in this article are not the only approaches you can use to find your own tribe. Feel free to experiment with these and discover your own ways to find deep soulful connections with people.
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