This full on blog title today is not my own words, they are in fact the words of Lily Allen, whose disillusionment with herself went very public when she emotionally described herself on her MySpace blog as ‘fat, ugly and shitter than Winehouse’. Not the best endorsement for herself… Though things have changed since she had hypnotherapy. Though I am going to rant like crazy about her hypnotherapist today…

Yes indeed, I wrote a while ago that Lily Allen then went on to see a hypnotherapist and she subsequently slimmed from a size 14 to a size 8. Lily Allen endorses the hypnotherapist she went to see, and on the front of Susan Hepburn’s Lose Weight Without Dieting DVD she states: ‘After the hypnotism I wanted to go to the gym every day!’

So following all of this success, eager for more positive PR on the back of her celebrity client she allows a free session for a miserable journalist to write about. The journalist comes with an agenda, has not paid for the session and in this hypnosis article in The Daily Telegraph, goes on to write:

For a start, she flicks a switch and the chair starts to vibrate vigorously. The last time I experienced this much turbulence I was on a troubled easyJet flight in thick fog over the French Alps. I said a prayer then, and I’m saying one now. Please God, don’t let me dribble, fart or otherwise grossly embarrass myself in front of this woman.”

Hahahaha… A vibrating chair? Ok, I need to get on with commenting seriously… Hahahahaha… I am sorry I can’t do it. How on earth do you establish a deep state of trance when you are vibrating vigourously in a chair? Hahahaha… Ok, let me continue… The author of the article then says:

“Now she is telling me to breathe deeply and imagine a triangular-shaped window in my forehead. Just go with it, I urge myself. Needlessly intrusive and pedantic thoughts keep barging in. Why triangular, I am thinking. Why not huge, square and German-made, like on last night’s Grand Designs?

What she is describing is simply something that all thinking sentient beings experience — a thought or two. Heck, hypnosis does not stop your brain from thinking. You are not being put to sleep or death here lady!? Why did the therapist not create some expectation and explain that this was going to happen, thus innoculating it and thus not giving the author cause to write her silly thoughts poking fun at her experience? The author continues:

How will I know when I’m ‘under’, is what anyone being hypnotised really wants to know. When will I start to gabble unintelligibly about a former incarnation as an under-privileged Victorian maidservant? And most importantly, will I remember any of it when I wake up?

Under what exactly? You are not having an aneasthetic!

To make something especially hypnotic and to deliver the kind of hypnotic experience that leaves someone feeling hypnotised and having something tangible to be aware of, these things should be addressed and advised of prior to the hypnosis, in my opinion…

Then when they happen, instead of questioning and wondering and thinking of smart-arse comment she can write in her article, the person being hypnotised begins to think.. “Ah yeah, I was told this was going to happen… It is obviously working wonderfully well, just as I was told…” and that person drifts deeper into that experience.

The author goes on:

It’s all over quite quickly. Hepburn turns the chair off, telling me that I will experience a pleasant sensation of weightlessness. I do indeed feel as if I am floating, which is possibly less to do with the hypnosis, and more about massive post-vibratory relief. I tell her I felt fully, disappointingly present and awake throughout.

Hypnosis is not necessarily like being doped out — that is something else. You see, I have mentioned it on several occasions before, the correct expectation needs to be there for a full hypnotic effect… That is why we have my introduction to hypnosis plastered everywhere on this website and insist on people listening to it before they invest in my audio programmes.

This journalist having come with whatever agenda she may have had, then needs to be educated and advised about the hypnotic process as she quite obviously isn’t… Blimey me, vibrating chairs and an experience like this… What fabulous PR! Vibrating chair! Hahahahaha…

Ahem… Anyone going to see a hypnotherapist really could do with more than one session to notice proper changes, what’s more, they really do  need to be invested in the process, not just there for the purpose of writing about it and that is all I can say in defence of the hypnotherapy experience being giggled at in this article.

Get the hypnosis session for free here at this website and that’ll give you much more of an idea of what hypnosis is… Make sure you listen to the introduction to hypnosis first… And seeing someone in real-life, you should know, without a doubt, that you have been hypnotised, because done correctly, it really is an unforgettable experience, not just because you sat on a vibrating chair… Hahahaha. That has made me smile today.