Stop worrying what other people think – at least if it is getting all-consuming and too much. We can take on board good advice, appreciate useful feedback, but worrying to the point of it becoming problematic with regards to what others think is what today’s article is all about.
Constant worrying takes a heavy toll. It’s like a sly foe that creeps up on you, whispers unpleasant thoughts, holds you back and tries to hypnotise you into becoming mediocre. It potentially keeps you up at night and can make you edgy and tense during the day. Such concerns can send your anxiety levels soaring, sap your emotional energy, and interfere with your daily activities.
For some, this is easier said than done as some people struggle to stop worrying about what others think. They try their best to make everyone happy while putting their own feelings and opinions aside. They may well be people pleasers and just like it is healthy to avoid toxic people or remove them from your life at times, it is also quite wise to avoid being too much of a people pleaser. Why? Because you may get taken advantage of and no one enjoys being used, and because such worry is often futile, energy sapping and unnecessarily stressful.
“Worrying is a waste of time. It doesn’t change anything, it just messes with your mind and steals your happiness.”
While it is a good trait to be considerate to others, you must know where to draw the line hence the reason why you shouldn’t care what people think for some (or even most) of the time. Worrying is an energy drainer, physically and mentally. The good news is: it is like a muscle that can be changed. You can train your brain to stay calm and be more optimistic when handling things – and learn to tune out of seeking approval or the constant thoughts of others towards you.
Stop thinking poorly about yourself!
“Stay positive, all other choices are pointless punishments to your psyche.” ― Joe Peterson.
Be realistic and grounded in rationality where possible, I’m not suggesting or promoting being unnecessarily positive. However, when you feel that people are having judgmental thoughts about you, chances are, you are imagining it and making most, if not all, of it up in your head. The sooner we realise how our minds play tricks on us, the sooner we can arrest those problematic thoughts. Suppose you were thinking that your date thinks your profession sucks but right at that moment he or she sincerely says something like, “Hey, I’m really interested in that. Tell me more about it.” How would that make you feel? You realise that you were out of your mind, thinking negative or irrational thoughts. You had no real evidence for thinking those thoughts in the first place, so why plague yourself with such?
Observe your thoughts and don’t let them overtake you. Perhaps it’s true that people aren’t thinking nice thoughts about you right now, nevertheless, realise that it’s probably because they’re not thinking of you at all. So why bother worrying yourself? What’s more, lead by example and watch how you think about yourself, and be encouraging, supportive and nourishing with your own thoughts towards yourself.
Thinking up negative thoughts can be bad for your health, both physically and emotionally. Charged emotions like too much happiness or negativity can also compromise our ability to think clearly. A 2014 study found that people who were in neutral moods significantly outperformed people who were in positive and negative moods in problem-solving tasks. So just stop. Stop early and deviate from this statistic! When you get a negative thought out of nowhere, tell yourself, “I must be out of my mind to be thinking that.” And then ask: “What else could this mean?” or seek to be balanced.
Follow your heart!
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.” ― Steve Jobs.
Don’t blindly follow your heart, do consider your feelings wisely, but allow yourself to express who and how you are, and what inspires and drives you. Okay maybe someone told you your goals are impossible. You’ve thought about what they said but you really believe that what you are doing is the right investment for this phase in your life. At least that was before you started worrying. Now, you’re confused and you want to change directions just because of what other people think.
Be aware that you can’t go around trying to please everyone. Listen to your Mentors. Mentors don’t just teach you principles in life and business; they serve as mirrors who point out your strengths and warn you of your weaknesses. It’s true that we should listen to wise counsel and always strive for excellence, sometimes though we worry not so much because we doubt our decisions (we’ve consulted experts already), but because we want our choices to please everyone. This is absolutely impossible!
After you have done what you can to make the right decisions, to improve yourself, and to take care of your responsibilities, there is no point in worrying some more. If you are worried about something that you cannot change or control, you are wasting your time. Focus on things that you can do rather than what you cannot influence. Take charge of your life by taking charge of useless worry and dispensing of it.
You know what is best for you:
“I know who I am. When I look in the mirror, I see me.” ― Tracy Morgan.
We all have people who we are close with and who know us better than anyone else. However, no matter how close you are with someone, no one knows you more than you know yourself. You are the only one who knows your most intimate thoughts and desires and you are the only one who can possibly know what is best for you to fulfill whatever it is you want to.
Constantly caring about what people think is tantamount to seeking their approval. When you always look to others for approval, you lose your sense of individuality and your ability to make decisions based on your own thoughts and rationale. While it is good to consider the opinion of others, it also pays to be able to think for yourself and to make your own decisions based on your own intuition and intelligent reasoning.
It doesn’t necessarily matter what people say:
“The most important thing is to never give up, never give in to circumstances, believe yourself, and to soldier on, no matter what’s in your way.” ― Luka Modric.
Your internal dialogue with yourself is one of the true determinants of your overall success in life. What we say to ourselves on a regular basis ultimately becomes part of our identity. If we are always saying this like: Why do I always sabotage myself? Then we will tend to find more and more ways to sabotage ourselves because this is what we are asking our mind to find answers for.
You must make a commitment to yourself to constantly affirm the greatness already inside of you and also affirm what other characteristics and traits you want to integrate into your being.
Aside from ensuring you only entertain positive self-talk to yourself, you should also remind yourself what you are uniquely good at and take much more time to focus on this.
Studies suggest that more than 80% of what we can do, others can also do or be trained to do. But there is a small percentage that only you and you alone can do as a unique individual, this is your genius. You have a combination of skills that is unique to you like your fingerprint and it is something to treasure, it is truly special. Other people might have negative things to say about how you are not good at this or that, but if anyone ever says that, it is just based on their perception and view of the world and on what you should be good at and excel in. What matters is how you can identify your own genius and go to work on improving it daily. Have you discovered your uniqueness factor? If not yet, find a mentor or coach whose profession and achievements resonate your passions and ideas.
Discover what your strengths are with the help of a mentor. Then, that is the other thing you should be thinking and saying to yourself. You should be reminding yourself of your unique abilities and strengths to overpower and replace the lies you may have entertained.
Read this article to dive into this topic some more;
– Why and How To Express Your Individuality and Uniqueness.
Pursue the life you truly want to live!
“All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.” ― Walt Disney.
Fear cripples; belief empowers. What is a worry but a kind of fear? It is fear of what people think of us or what might happen. And it’s funny to think that their thoughts can’t really kill us. But they are a burden to think of and we are slowly trying to kill ourselves inside because of it. Are you afraid to speak up? Are you concerned that people will not like your ideas? Are you afraid your business proposal will get rejected? Go against this rage of fear and just take a risk; do what’s uncomfortable.
You’ll never know unless you try. But if you do succeed, you’ll have overcome your greatest fear. And even if you don’t get the deal, you are a winner because you chose to cross the “chicken” line. And that is a victory already, over worry and fear of man.
To pursue that life, you truly
want to live, throw away setbacks like worrying about what others think of you.
You are too busy for that! You are in pursuit of the life you want to live and
that means your mind must be filled with vision, purpose, motivation, and ideas
on how to influence the world you live in. Here are some articles to read and
help you to advance your self-belief;
– How To Believe In You – 9 and a bit Ways To Advance Self-Belief.
– How to Accept and Depend Upon Yourself – Because “No-One Is Coming!”
It’s Your Life Not Others
“It’s your life, live it your way.” ― Bob Hoskins.
Whether it is your friend, your sibling or your mother-in-law passing judgment, remind yourself that your life is not their life. What you choose to do with yourself is none of their business.
People are allowed to think whatever they want, just as you are. What they think or how they feel about you will not change who you are or change your value – that is, unless you give them that power.
No one has earned the right to control your life through their opinions. This is your life and this is your happiness. You are the only person who needs to give yourself approval for how you choose to live.
There are people in this world who love to see other people fail while others simply do not know what is best for you. A study entitled “Misery Has More Company Than People Think: Underestimating the Prevalence of Others’ Negative Emotions” published in the Personality and Social Psychology bulletin (2010) states also suggests that we’re generally pretty bad at guessing how much others are struggling. You have taken the time to at least invest in exploring a thought or an idea, and you owe it to yourself to pursue it. Yes, it may not be as great as you thought but what if it is even more fantastic than you ever imagined?
What if what the path you choose leads you on a transcendent journey which helps you achieve things beyond your wildest dreams? Turn the outside noise volume way down and while you’re at it, you’ll want to unplug from that negative voice in your own mind that says you draft if you try. Also, this article will help with this point;
– Stop Comparing Yourself to Others.
At the end of the day, trust yourself. No one but you knows exactly what it is that you need to nurture and grow.
Use this mantra,
“Whatever you think of me is none of my business.”
I love that. Whatever path it is that you choose to follow, you are choosing it because it answers to your strengths.
Defend your power and celebrate your unique qualities through your life choices. We all only have a limited amount of time on this earth, and we owe it to ourselves to live it to the fullest.
Have some of these themes here resonated with you? Then have a read of these pages:
1. Do you need help or support in a particular area of your life?
Coaching with Adam Eason Or Hypnotherapy with Adam Eason
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Adam Eason’s Anglo European training college.
3. Are you a hypnotherapist who is looking to fulfil your ambitions or advance your career?
Hypnotherapist Mentoring with Adam Eason.
Likewise, if you’d like to learn more about self-hypnosis, understand the evidence based principles of it from a scientific perspective and learn how to apply it to many areas of your life while having fun and in a safe environment and have the opportunity to test everything you learn, then come and join me for my one day seminar which does all that and more, have a read here: The Science of Self-Hypnosis Seminar. Alternatively, go grab a copy of my Science of self-hypnosis book, it’ll help you live a more meaningful life!