Seeking to be kinder has been incredibly topical here in recent weeks. However today I wanted to write about how to stop taking other people’s crap. In my professional field, I am staggered by the amount of politics, insults and derisory comments made to other professionals and a culture that I see in many online groups has made me want to write about how we can all take a stand and not take crap from other people.
“If someone is being unkind or petty or jealous or distant or weird, you don’t have to take it in. You don’t have to turn it into a big psychodrama about your worth. That behaviour so often is not even about you. It’s about the person who’s being unkind or petty or jealous or distant or weird. If this were summed up on a bumper sticker it would say: Don’t own other people’s crap. The world would be a better place if we all did that.” – Cheryl Strayed
Like it or not, a new year can be a “reset”. However, so can a new week or a new day. Even if you don’t believe in this, your brain is subconsciously influenced by the thought of a “new start”. If you are honest with yourself, there are some things that you can change and improve about your life. In order to do so, you must first let go of or erase the existing defective base before you build a new structure. Create new solid foundations. No one builds a new luxury building on a rotten old foundation. Never! First everything is destroyed, cleaned out, and then rebuilt.
So often, we care about what other people are thinking about us.This habit drains happiness of your life. According to research by Siegel (2007) entitled The Mindful Brain: Reflection and Attunement in the Cultivation of Well-Being”, the capacity to respond to another person’s feelings develops very early. This is why it takes much longer for us to be able to separate our own experience from someone else’s. However, there are ways to eliminate the crap we once took from other people.
1. Get rid of the toxic people in your life. Cut off those that hurt and drain you. They won’t help you grow and will only deplete your goodness with their creation of problems, their snipes and dramas. Be tough even if it seems merciless. You are not their emotional garbage bin so don’t let them dump their crap in your life. If it is impossible to do this in absolute terms, then consider lowering your exposure to them for a while at the very least.
2. It’s got nothing to do with you. It’s on them. You know who you truly are. If a dynamic starts to change between you and someone else and you find yourself obsessing over it, youmay need to stop. If a relationship of any kind starts to make you feel bad about yourself or feels toxic in any way, don’t dwell on it. Instead, cut cords and remove the toxicity from your life.
Remind yourself that what people think or say about you is none of your business and mainly out of your control. Their negativity has little or nothing to do with you, but rather everything to do with who they are and where they are.
3. Forgive. This is a tough point, especially if someone has hurt you badly. Regardless of whether they were friends, exes or colleagues, forgive all these idiots that hurt you. You are doing this for yourself and not for them! You are not condoning what they did or said. You don’t have to speak to them or see them again – but forgiveness allows you to burn away “your” pain and anger, which is blocking you from the good new things. No need to hold on to that which hurts you – forgiving helps you let go and move on.
4. Say NO. We do too many things to be “good” for others, and sometimes even do what we don’t want to. Stop it immediately and don’t hesitate to say NO! Stop going against yourself. By the way, the others will respect you actually more for standing your ground.
5. Nothing is personal. Remember; when people do or say something mean to you, it’s their issue and not yours! Destroy the ability to let others make you feel bad and guilty for no justifiable reason. Don’t take crap from anyone, especially when they are trying to deliberately offend or hurt you or make you respond badly.
6. Learn to be selfish. We give and give and give so much, but forget ourselves in the process. The love you gave your ex or so-called friend, give that to yourself now. Love yourself truly, because you deserve it. It’s your life so do what’s good for you.
Read this article for more on this topic:
Why You Should Value Selfishness. https://www.adam-eason.com/why-you-should-value-selfishness/
7. Let go. How willing you are to let go of stinky old garbage depends on how much you truly love yourself. Not letting go brings emotional, physical and mental pain and illness. If you really want to be happy and healthy, then you have no choice but to let go of the past and make place for the good things and people in your life.
8. Destroy more of your bad habits. Easier said than done? Perhaps. If you truly want to be develop a positive vibe around you, you benefit from taking decisive action. It’s often about willpower, making that important decision and sticking to it! Stop hanging out with people or maintaining polite relationships with those who make you feel bad or those who work to your detriment behind your back.
9. Stand up for yourself. You stand up for yourself by keeping your head high, staying humble and moving forward. You do not force them to change their opinion or demand they respect you. You respect yourself enough to know that no matter what they say or do that you will remaintrue to yourself and who you strive to be. Allowing them to get in your head means you are allowing them to make you a different person. Don’t allow others to take up space in your head.
10. Focus on your life. If you find
yourself stewing over what happened, bring your focus to something else. If
needed, give yourself space. Go for a walk or workout, connect with nature or do
some self-hypnosis, or call a friend or loved one for a chat. These tasks boost
self-esteem and confidence which will bring the perceived problem into a more
realistic perspective. Focus on you and what you can control; seek to be well.
Finally, love yourself.
Here are some articles on that topic:
– How to Love Yourself. https://www.adam-eason.com/love-yourself-more-valentines-day/
– Using Self-Hypnosis To Love Yourself More. https://www.adam-eason.com/using-self-hypnosis-love-yourself-more/
– How To Have A Better Relationship with Yourself. https://www.adam-eason.com/how-to-have-a-better-relationship-with-yourself/
You have to understand that your needs are the most important needs.Sometimes it’s ok to say no, to set boundaries. Figure out who you are and how you fit into the world. There are only few people in this word who have your best interests at heart. You have to become comfortable with saying in your head to peopleif youdon’t like what they’re doing or thinking. Good Luck!
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.” – Steve Jobs
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