A better relationship with yourself – something we all could do with, even if just occasionally….
“Find the love you seek, by first finding the love within yourself. Learn to rest in that place within you that is your true home.” ‑ Sri Ravi Shankar.
WHen looking to develop a better relationship with yourself, first ask yourself: Do you judge yourself fairly, comfort yourself when you messed up and have encouraging thoughts when trying something new? Or are you not happy with who you are, what you do, who you are with and what you have? Are you overly critical of yourself and hard on yourself?
Well today, regardless of your answers to the above questions, I’m writing about developing a loving friendship with yourself; having a better relationship with yourself – something which as I’ve already said, we all can benefit greatly from.
Many people struggle to have a better relationship with themselves due to lacking self-belief and having a poor self-image.
Surefire Ways to Undermine Your Self-image:
• Comparing yourself to others – your peer group, strangers online, celebrities
• Pretending you’ve got it together – exciting life, success, glamour
• Believing that you are not okay as you are but should be better or different
• Dwelling on what’s wrong with you, your faults, failures and what you lack
• Difficulties finding any positive qualities about yourself
• Trying to meet some standard of perfection, whatever perfect means to you (or others)
And before we go any further, here are some fabulous ways to help advance self-belief, just read these articles:
1. How To Believe In You – 9 and a bit Ways To Advance Self-Belief.
2. Believe in Yourself!
What Is Happening Inside Your Mind?
You might be so used to self-doubt, self-criticism, self-neglect, even self-loathing, hate or shame that it almost seems normal. Fat, ugly, stupid, boring, a klutz, too nerdy, a freak … Whatever ideas you have about yourself, they were formed by you and have been influenced by others and the way you have interpreted life experiences.
Do go and read this article if you have ever suffered from self-doubt: 6 Ways to Overcome Self-doubt.
You may have absorbed as your ‘truth’ demeaning messages about yourself at different stages in your life, through a variety of experiences. That ‘truth’ will stay with you until you see it for what it was: unfair, unjustified, loveless, cruel or at best thoughtless. If your damaged self-image is reinforced by the cultural and social environment you live in, and especially the media, it’s no wonder your internal world turns dark on occasions and you have a hard time liking yourself.
“The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself” – Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
Identifying and becoming aware of the part of your inner voice that’s critical is the best starting place when it comes to improving your relationship with yourself. Pay attention to what your inner critic is saying. Does it tell you that you’re not deserving, not good enough, not pretty enough, not strong enough, weak, flawed, unworthy, unlovable and all sorts of other unkind things? If yes, you’re not alone. And know that, just because you have these thoughts, does not mean they are true.
Read this article for a great way to quieten that internal critic. Using Self-Hypnosis To Tame That Inner Critic.
If you have any sense of shame, self-loathing or are so hard on yourself that it is so pervasive that it stops you from ever making peace with yourself and your life, you may to need to seek professional help. Changing a severely damaged self-image involves delving into deep-seated beliefs you hold about yourself. However, there are also many things you can do by yourself.
Decide what you want to change. Perhaps comparing yourself to others, dwelling on the past, especially of things gone wrong, failures and missteps, wondering about what others will think or trying to appear ‘perfect’. But just because you decide to, thoughts or feelings won’t stop by themselves. You’ll benefit from catching yourself ‘in the act’, i.e. notice what is going on inside you. Then use your attention to step out of the vicious cycle within you.
Read this article for a great way to monitor and restructure your thoughts. Enjoying the Simple Stuff and Why A x B = C.
“Believing in our hearts that who we are is enough is the key to a more satisfying and balanced life.”- Ellen Sue Stern.
Think of a crying toddler. The mother tries comforting it but the cries only get louder. Until the mother points to a puppy. After a few sniffles, the screaming stops. What happened? The child’s attention was diverted from it’s distress to the cute little puppy.
You too can harness the power of your attention. When you find yourself dwelling on negative thoughts about yourself, see them for what they are and turn your mind to encouraging and self-affirming ones instead. They are your puppy!
Another way is to make a more structured plan. Set a time each day where you will write down 3 positive things about yourself: something you did or didn’t do, an instance of thinking differently about yourself, a positive quality you expressed. Think small moments. Do this for three weeks or longer and you will begin to feel much better about yourself and have a better relationship with yourself. Here are plenty of ways to help elevate your mood, go explore and have a good read:
a) Come On In Here And Use Self-Hypnosis To Lift Your Mood!
b) First Aid For A Bad Mood! Using Self-Hypnosis To Get Into A Great Mood.
c) Lifting Mood By Combining NLP’s Classic Circle of Excellence With Self-Hypnosis
d) Lifting The Fog and Lifting Your Mood With Self-Hypnosis
e) Being Positive: Creating A Happiness Filter Using Self-Hypnosis
“Becoming acquainted with yourself is a price well worth paying for the love that will really address your needs.” – Daphne Rose Kingma.
Get to really know yourself if you want to have a better relationship with yourself. When we turn the mirror back on ourselves it is amazing how little people actually know about themselves. Get to know your likes and dislikes, your truth and untruths. Be really open and honest with yourself. At least once a week schedule ‘ME’ time. A time for something that feeds your emotions and gives you joy. It does not have to be grandiose, expensive or take much time. But it is a message to yourself that you value yourself as much as you value others and fills your soul with happiness. In addition, once a month take an even bigger break. Take several hours or an entire day doing something you absolutely love. Never fear, your to-do list will be waiting, but you will be much happier, and much more efficient when you return to your tasks.
“When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life.” – Jean Shinoda Bolen.
With our busy hectic lives, it is easy to put ourselves on the back burner and it becomes tougher to have a better relationship with yourself. Making time for ourselves becomes quickly deleted from the schedule as ‘more important’ things arise. Yet making a habit of making self-time, even if you have to schedule it like a daily appointment, will not only improve your emotional well-being, it will also improve your productivity in all other areas of your life. Even more, serving others ultimately serves us in many ways. Numerous studies have shown that acts of service and charity benefit the giver more than the receiver, at least in the sense of positive and emotional gains.
By making these changes, you may well find that building a more loving and respectful relationship with yourself is easier than you thought. You can drastically alter the type of relationship you have with yourself, and by doing so, you will find all your other relationships improve, life becomes easier, and you feel happier. Make a start today to have a better relationship with yourself.
I thoroughly recommend reading through the archives of this website, it is filled with lots and lots of ways that you can advance your relationship with yourself, and of course, I recommend learning self-hypnosis. Self-hypnosis is a great way to help advance positive thinking. If you’d like to learn more about self-hypnosis, understand the evidence based principles of it from a scientific perspective and learn how to apply it to many areas of your life while having fun and in a safe environment and have the opportunity to test everything you learn, then come and join me for my one day seminar which does all that and more, have a read here: The Science of Self-Hypnosis Seminar.
If you’d like to learn more or if this has resonated with you in some way, then visit these pages:
1. Has a poor relationship with yourself or low self-esteem held you back and/or is it still doing so now? Do you want a better relationship with yourself?
Coaching with Adam Eason Or Hypnotherapy with Adam Eason.
2. Would you like a satisfying and meaningful career as a hypnotherapist helping others to advance self-esteem and develop better relationships with themselves?
Adam Eason’s Anglo European training college.
3. Are you a hypnotherapist for whom a negative thought process or lack of self-esteem is detrimentally effecting the success of your business?
Hypnotherapist Mentoring with Adam Eason.