I very nearly squeezed in a nominalisation in today’s blog title… I was going to call it ‘my learnings to date’ but thought against it… I want to be matter of fact today, spell things out, so to speak.
So yes, tomorrow I officially enter my late 30s. 37 years ago, my Mum was desperately awaiting my arrival, I’d like to think that she was bouncing on a trampette shouting “come on Adam, get outta here“, but in reality, I know she wasn’t… That expression was saved for my teenage years when I was still in bed at midday.
Tomorrow I have lots of friends and family visiting and then a great big group of us are visiting Meyrick Park here in Bournemouth to watch the Bournemouth Symphony Orchestra, have a big picnic, dance around, frolic, woop at the fireworks and make each other laugh… I feel giddy at the prospect, I simply can’t imagine anything more utterly indulgently enjoyable.
Today, I thought I’d be a tad more indulgent and share with you some things that I have learnt during the last 37 years on this planet. Things that have become my philosophy on how I live my life…
1. You regulars to this blog know that an idol of mine is the current England under 21 football team coach, former Nottingham Forest and England left back, Stuart Pearce. The only man with thighs as big as my own who knew how to score a free kick. He was ‘hard but fair’ on the football field. He played with total conviction, he was ferocious, yet he never cheated, he never dived, rolled around, or looked for free kicks that should not have been.
I think it is good to be hard and fair. Hard does not have to mean physically, I am not referring to ‘Gripper Jenkins’ from school who was a hard nut, when I talk of hard. I mean tenacious, ferocious and at times tough… Yet still being fair; honest, true to yourself and others, congruent and giving people a fair chance.
2. The most difficult, sometimes painful, gruelling and testing experiences and challenges that life throws up are almost always ultimately the most rewarding, meaningful and enlightening. The marathons I have run, the studies I have completed, the work practices we have updated, the travelling without money in foriegn lands, moving to new areas to live…. Have all been utterly amazing in hindsight.
3. Being different is a blessing. Having ginger hair, supporting a football team from the Midlands when you were raised in the south and all your friends supported local teams, having more quirks than Ken Dodd, loving Tolkien novels and spending time with kids playing Dungeon and Dragons when all my other football team friends took the mickey, studying hypnotherapy in my early 20s while my peers keep complaining that I was not around enjoying the parties as much as them, being happy to swear, feeling comfortable to communicate in whatever way I like and be myself without feeling vulnerable, being self-employed at a young age when all my friends were in safe employed companies, earning well…. This stuff really is the spice of life, having the conviction to be who and how you want to be is priceless.
Living differently too… Getting out of a routine, ignoring your regimen from time to time, eating new foods rather than writing them off without trying, listening to new music, watching different types of theatre… You know what they say about variety, don’t you?
4. Laughing is something you must do, from the depths of your tummy regularly… Whether it is childish pranks with my wife, jokes with my students, watching my favourite TV shows (Red Dwarf, Blackadder, Family Guy, South Park, Modern Family, Monty Python, Alan Partridge and so much more) attending my improv group, watching stand-up shows at pubs, clubs or theatres… It is not only healthy, it is a delightful sensation, for some it is the meaning of life to share laughter with others, it connects your soul to others, ah, my final wish on my deathbed would be to hear, see or think of something that makes me laugh.
5. Reading is one of the most rewarding pastimes, and if you want to be a good hypnotherapist, you need to read the subject… Everyone goes on about Elman’s ‘Hypnotherapy’ but you know he thought the field should be restricted to medical practitioners and the book is designed for those guys… Understanding the Hartlands book is better, being able to get inspiration from Hammonds book of suggestions and metaphors is better… Reading Kreskin and knowing the work of Alan Heap and Irving Kirsch is better, infinitely… Reading Arnold Lazarus’s work on multimodal therapy, and Robert Dilts and Gregory Bateson in the field of NLP is better… being brave enough to take the skills from the field of stage hypnosis and read books on those skills, is better… Exploring the high brow texts of Robert Anton Wilson is better… Reading novels for pure joy, things you can lose yourself in… Man, that is living, that is perfecting self-hypnosis, that is letting your imagination induce natural highs.
6. As Roy from the IT crowd(channel 4 comedy show) would say… “Have you tried turning it off and on again?” Sometimes seemingly catastrophic problems are sorted out with the tiniest of ease. Turning the computer off and on again usually remedies my biggest online issues. Turning myself on and off again with a run followed a good nights sleep is all I need to find solutions and resolutions.
7. Sadly, there are people on this planet who for whatever reason, known or unknown, believe that the way to satisfaction is at the expense of others, involves backstabbing, unpleasantness, venom and poison seems to run through their bloodstreams. I can’t change them all. I cannot convince them that my way is best, and to think so is typically self-righteous and dogmatic of me. So vent your spleen and move on Adam. You and I know that those guys have places reserved for them in the fiery pits of eternal damnation when they pass from this life… And what’s more they are punished on this earth because they have to live with themselves all the time… Hahahaaaar!
8. Complimenting my wife or any of her friends on a particular item of clothing always leads to “what this? Yeah it was only £3.99 in Primark.” I know now that I just resist the urge to follow up with “I did not ask how much it cost, neither do I care, I just think you look great in it, why can’t you just smile and thank me in response?” Instead smile and move on…
9. There is 99.9999999% chance of me surviving to live another day if I do not get one single thing completed on my to-do list for that day. And that is exagerating the chances of me not surviving… In fact, it is 100% isn’t it? Not got anything on my to-do list done today? So what?
10. Those risks I took that failed may well outnumber the successes… Well, if we look at it, we have a massively high fail percentage compared to the successes… But heck, had I not done those things, they way I’d feel about myself would be unbearable.What’s more, it helps with my self-esteem and helps me to believe in myself, really relying on just myself to be a believer in Adam Eason is the only person I can rely on really.
Though I do tend to succeed a great deal more if I help others succeed… I’d much rather help hundreds of hypnotherapists to be more successful than me in practice because I know by default, I’ll have been successful in the process… Good for satisfying altruism and very good for ones own measure of success.
11. I am not really naturally talented at anything… Except maybe laughing at my brother and my close friend Jim, they crack me up so much… The things I am good at, I practiced a lot. I read in the paper that sports stars need approximately 10,000 hours of practice and training to become world champions or close to that level… So I shall keep practicing and letting people think I am a natural at some things if they want…
12. If I let go fo stuff without it festering, whether that means I rant and vent to dispose and diffuse, rather than skulking and simmering for a while thinking of the thing… Then I am a happier, healthier version of me.
13. The tone I write stuff in is always changed to the tone of the reader… Anything I write with good intentions can end up upsetting others and it is not always my own fault.
14. Not everyone is going to like you. The better known you become, the further your wings spread, the more people you’ll encounter that just can’t stand you and just don’t get you… So stop attempting to ever try and please everyone, stop getting upset if someone does not like you or your work… It is part of the human condition. Champion yourself, be happy and feel safe in your own skin, be prepared to take some knocks and take them on the chin… In the end though, you’ll love living that way and those that do like you and do get you will be friends and close companions for life.
15. Chateuxneuf du Pap and a good Rioja Reserva, not forgetting a full blown hearty Barolo are the champions of the wine kingdom… Though when you round them off later on with your 14 year old single malt, or your best Brandy, your penchant for the afore mentioned wines does lessen for a couple of days as you recover and revive your willingness to drink them again. Though a day in amongst the beauty and quiet of my garden is without a doubt the best medicine… For most things in fact… And yes, nature knows best, connect with it often and enjoy the air while surrounded by it… Not strictly anything to do with wine taste, but I did not fancy offering up 16 points, I thought 15 is nice and metrically (is there such a word?) sound…
So there you have it, some thoughts on my own philosophy and approach as I enter my birthday weekend… There is more, I could go on… But the role of Grasshopper and Master does not suit you or I… Have a great weekend, I’ll be back Monday 🙂