If you are a regular reader of my weekly ezine, you’ll know that I wrote about altering perceptual positions in some depth this week… And how to strengthen your own perceptual positions too… In real-life we tend to refer to this as seeing things from another point of view…
I loaded up a small video clip earlier this week too using a simple technique to alter perceptuual positions and advance the individual state…
Hmmm… Sounds a bit complex sometimes doesn’t it? I mean, if you were totally new to this field and were just here reading this because you thought I was incredibly handsome 😉
So let me give you something lovely you can do anytime, anywhere, to explain and experience a change of your perceptual positions… Follow these simple instructions:
Step One: Think of some instance in which you have felt upset or really happy.
Step Two: Now physically stand in one position and feel this upset/happiness for just a moment. This is first position.
Step Three: Step out of that position and move some distance away — at least 2 metres or more — and step into a new physical space where in your mind’s eye you can have a look at the you who’s upset/happy. This is what we call third position.
Step Four: While in third position, have a look at that you in first position. How do you respond to that you there? What would you say that you need?
Notice how you react differently from this position. (If there’s no difference you haven’t really ‘left’ first position behind.) Often this is the beginning of being able to do something different in real life too.
Third position can also be a place where you understand ‘where others are coming from’, and how that relates to where you stand. It can also be a place where you can fit together different views, or different information, to get a fuller understanding of a situation — like putting together the pieces of a jigsaw.
To be successful in relationships, we need to be able to take all three positions: each has a great deal to offer us.
Let’s take a look at an example of how the same situation might seem from each of these positions. Imagine you’ve worked really hard to get something done, either at home or at work, and are feeling pleased with the results of all the effort you’ve put in. You’d like your partner, or your boss, to notice your achievement and appreciate it. But when he or she arrives, they just start telling you about what they have been doing, what a difficult day it’s been for them, and so on.
In first position you’re upset, feel neglected and even hurt. Their behaviour is the opposite of what you wanted. You resent their lack of interest.
When you make an effort and go to second position, you find that you’re beginning to feel rushed and preoccupied too. Your breathing quickens and you start to feel agitated. What a dreadful day. But at least you can begin to unwind by talking about it to a sympathetic listener (that’s you, as they see you).
When you start to go to third position, you realise that the two parties in the situation are just not communicating. The you over there in first position wants praise, and wants it right now because you’ve been working so hard. That you is impatient and wants others to be instantly accommodating. Your partner/boss, on the other hand, isn’t actively ignoring what that you has done. They’re just feeling so pressured that they haven’t any attention to spare for other people. From third position, you tell your first position self to be less self-absorbed and more patient:
After all, you’ve had a productive day and your partner/boss usually appreciates you. You can help things along by giving them time to deal with their irritation and frustration. If you pace them in their experience first, they’ll be much more able to enter into yours.
Phew… I have had a rather odd week full of computer related hardship… It is just about all sorted now and so we’ll back to the usual format next week… Have a fabulous weekend 🙂
Ps. Did you read yesterdays blog entry? You did remember to sponsor me for my marathon efforts, didn’t you? Thank you!