Those of you that are subscribed to my weekly ezine and read the emails we send on to you will have noted that we have a special offer on this month with a theme centering around the number 25. This is because this week was the 25th wedding anniversary of my business partner, friend and colleague Keith Watson. Him and his wife are currently enjoying themselves on holiday and celebrating accordingly.
So this week I have been unable to do my usual phoning him every day at unearthly hours… He is sure to be enjoying the break from me and my regular demands.
One of the things that all of us are sure to notice about people when they spend good periods of time in the company of others, is that they can take on certain traits of those people… Not to mention taking on many of their strengths. I know in the years that I have been with my own wife Katie, I have learnt many strengths that she embodies in day to day life.
A process I learned from Robert Dilts that I am sharing with you today is one whereby you can do this process of sharing resources with anyone – whether you are married to them or not!
Let me show you how… 7 Steps To Share The Resources Of Anyone Else
This exercise is best done in pairs first of all, then you might consider doing it in larger groups, I’ll explain how later on.
Step One: With a good receptive mindset and in a place you are going to be undisturbed and can focus, select a resource that your partner has that can be shared.
Have them think about an experience they had where they used that resource wonderfully; ensure your partner is aware of what they saw, heard and felt, what their internal dialogue was and as they recall all of that, and have them express that experience and that resource in body movement, gestures and posture.
Ideally, they should choose a recent experiÂence that they found to be resourceful and that they can recall as vividly as possible.
Really explore the body movements, posture and non-verbal nuances that somehow express that resourceful state in the best way possible. Once they have done this as best as they possibly can, spending an adequate period of time on it, move to the next step.
Step Two: You now face your partner and begin to mimic, copy and imitate their movements.
Facing your partner at a comfortable level, follow this movement pattern. Now, continuÂing where you are facing them, imitate your partner’s body movements whilst really taking as much notice of all the details, rhythms, gestures, posture, timings, sounds and everything else you can possibly be aware of.
Only when you feel you have really taken it on board and are imitating it closely, then move on to the next step.
Step Three: Now you swap positions with your partner and step into the space they were in so that you can take on and adopt your partner’s experience and movements as if you were in their shoes.
Engage in the experience to the extent where you imagine taking on their mindset, stepping into their body and experiencing the entire thing through your partners eyes. Express yourself as though you were actually them.
Pay very close attention to your thoughts now, your movements and really notice any subtle ways, nuances, mannerisms that change whilst experiencing the process from their point of view. Once you feel you have taken on their movements and learned even more about this resource, then move on to the next step.
Step Four: Now step into an entirely neutral space, and be a ‘fly on the wall’ or just a neutral observer. Imagine replaying and watching all the previous sets of movements that just occurred – your partners original movements, your imitation and then you stepping into their shoes… Watch it all happening again from an entirely neutral stance.
From this position, get a sense of what makes your partner’s movements similar to and different from your own. get a real notion of what they are doing and how well you did the same thing. notice any adjustments that may need to be made or that you see what is going on for all those positions being replayed in your mind.
Once you have gathered as much information and observed as much as you can, move on to the next step.
Step Five: You now have some fun… Returning to your starting position, now turnÂ and get yourself side by side with your partner.
You then make your resource movements, and allow your partner to make their own version of the movements.
Together, in discussion or just by making physical adjustments, affect your movements until you start to blend the two resource states through movement. You start to share your space and your movements in a lovely way.
Just compare and share and alter in any way that you feel makes the resource even better and more progressive, in whatever way that means to you. Get of sense of what it means to have this resource and there you have it… It is yours, you have shared it!
Once you have spent enough time and made all the adjustments that you feel you need to, if you want to do this in larger groups (I sometimes do this on trainings), then move on…
Step Six: So now if you are doing this in a group, you follow all the previous steps in pairs, then you now go and repeat the process with another pair.
Simply put, you both now find another pair and repeat the pattern. This time, start with the movement that you created together…. You’ll blend your resource states together, so to speak, each time creating more wonderful resource states to share and develop. You can then just swap pairs and spend time with more people doing this, or you can continue to expand the group and shared sense of joining resources until the entire group is expeÂriencing the same thing altogether… It is a lovely thing to do for all manner of reasons!
Step Seven: Whether you remain in a pair or a big group sharing the resources, have a go at testing what you’ve done.
Get some feedback and explore what the shared resource was like for those involved.
You see as well as developing resources, what this exercise is really about, is enhancing your ability to empaÂthise, develop rapport, be intuitive and create a connection with others… Just like the things that occur naturally when people have been married for a number of years as I mentioned at the beginning of today.
Have a go at this process and see how it effects your ability at developing rapport… Have a great weekend, I know I will… The World Cup starts!!!