This Sunday just gone, our very own Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguson, former wife of Prince Andrew filled the pages of the News of the World.

You can go and have a closer look at what the fuss is all about here on the News of the World website for video clips and transcripts etc.

There is such a National and International hypnotic appeal about our Royal Family… Basically and in a nutshell, Sarah Ferguson was the victim of a major sting operation by the newspaper and also a victim of her own stupidity… All creating an intriguing and hypnosis inducing media highlight that is sure to run for a few more days and weeks.

I have discussed our royals in fabulous, glorious, gooey detail on many occasions over the years. Whilst I love my country being so steeped in history, I also dislike the notion that people are born into priviledge, but heck, that is a discussion for another day… When Charles and Di got married, we had street parties, my own street was closed for the day and we had hat competitions, food laid out on big long tables, we swilled drinks out of commemorative mugs and just about everyones houses were draped in bunting.

The event carried such appeal. It may seem a shame that this royal scandal carries so much popular appeal and hypnosis inducement too.

So what do you think of this whole Fergie offering access to Prince Andrew to the Fake Sheikh thing? They are no longer married but remain close friends and this is of value to the princess daughters by all accounts.

So the Duchess gets some cash for promising to make a few introductions. Is this really such a scandal? The fact that it is the royals hypnotises us into feeling sensationalised by it all.

Though I think people need to be aware of the serious rammifications of this, when it starts to get around that Fergie could get £500,00.00 for an introduction to Prince Andrew, who is not exactly the most tantalising of personalities, though many do regard him as the handsome one of the bunch… Surely others are going to start thinking about how much they can get for their respective spouses.

I mean how much could Posh Spice get for David Beckham? I am guessing it would be a venture with less hassle than her fashion exploits. How much would Sarah Cameron get for new PM David? I mean, I even wonder how much my own wife would get for an introduction to me? (Considers new business venture for approximately 4 seconds, shakes head and stops gazing out of window…)


Something i need someone to clarify for me is the exact nature of what we get for our money in a deal of this kind…. Would we be paying for access to these individuals, just to be in their company, or to get intimate details about some aspect of their personal or professional lives?

Me, I’d pay two different sums of money. If, for example, someone could get me a long boozy lunch with Stephen Fry, Fabio Capello, Lady Gaga or Eddie Izzard  I’d be prepared to pay big sums of cash… The BIG proviso being that it would have to be a private lunch, no unnecessary distractions. I would not want any of their entourage around and no media snapping away at us. No mobile phones are allowed at the table. There is to be no looking over my shoulder to see if there’s someone more interesting entering the room… And certainly real-life or metaphorical  foot-tapping is allowed to occur.

If I were selling off my BMW and pawning off my collection of antique hypnosis books, I’d want to know that these people would be looking deeply into my eyes, hanging on my every word, and begging for my personal email and mobile number by the end of it all. I would want what no amount of money could promise. I would want their genuine interest. Not like when Simon Cowell first saw Susan Boyle walk on to the stage. That would be awful.

I think for half a million quid, I would expect some sort of guarantee that these people would fall in love with me. I would want them to become part of my social circle. You know, drop by unexpectedly for dinner, show up early evening for a glass of Pimms and a chat while I am dead heading my geraniums in the garden.

I’d pay more money to meet Prince Charles than Prince Andrew though… I’d have to ask Charles about the real merits of chatting to my plants in the greenhouse.

I wonder if people would pay money NOT to meet a particular person.

Soooo… I am just going to email Katie (my wife) and let her know the ground rules and fee structure for people paying to hang out with me… Bye for now…