You have got to hand it to me… That is some blog title today, eh?

Whilst researching blog popularity figures on a number of personal development websites yesterday, the three things that kept appearing at the top of the popular content are all related to the subjects of masturbation, being happier, and saving money… So what better than to have a delightful cocktail of all three in todays blog… And on top of that actually discussing in some depth my objective definition of what an arsehole actually is…

Let me explain all of this, read on…

I believe that it makes sense on the levels of deep theory and healthy choices for people to stay home and masturbate (You are doing this at home, right? If you’re not, you’ll need to save money for bail) then you’re not out shopping or drinking or eating, thereby avoiding all sorts of other potentially problematic and costly behaviours (costly in both the literal and metaphoric senses)!

Masturbation makes you happier (if you do it right) and there you have it! A sure fire new way to cope with a variety of issues without having to leave your own home! (Yes, I am indeed labouring this last point; I think it’s important and I don’t want any irate responses from people who attempted to cheer themselves up in the library or in an internet café. I get enough emails from my blog readers each day as it is).

If masturbation doesn’t actually mkae you happier, at the very least it is going to relieve any stress and it does not harm anybody else, does it? Well, it certainly shouldn’t!

So save up, stay in, cheer up, and enjoy… All at the same time… Though I’d recommend you read the remainder of my blog today before you take heed of my advice, I actually have something remotely serious to write about today…

In a much-loved, and what some believe to be deeply profound, although incredibly rude (LOTS of profanity) speech at the end of the film Team America, our hero has three types of people defined for him… These are dicks, pussies and arseholes… Although Americans refer to it as assholes, which does make it easier and simpler to say, it has a far more snappy and invasive tone to it without the elongated arse (aahrrss) of the British way… I digress… The clip can be found on YouTube — it sums up the theory in 40 seconds or so…

Ok, so the first first two types of person are referred to in many other forms and less rude names… If you look at Taoist philosophy, originating over 2500 years ago you come across yin and yang.

The yin personality is receptive, tolerant, accepting, non-judgmental, accommodating, open to anything, easy-going… The film refers to these as pussies.

What the speech in the film refers to as pussies… The yang personality is assertive, discerning, forceful, judgmental, standard-upholding, and demanding.The film refers to these as dicks… Wanting to f##k anything and everything.. I was not going to include that word among the many rude ones today… You can all breathe a sigh of relief!

As with the vulgar names used in Team America, yin and yang are associated with female and male body parts respectively. Still, as the yin-yang symbol indicates, there’s a bit of yin in the yang and the yang in the yin.  Really, both in the Team America speech and in Taoism, these two aren’t so much personality types as they are states of mind, gestures or moves one can make in the game of life.

Sometimes we go yin, conceding a point, surrendering to someone else’s approach, letting things happen as they will. Sometimes we go yang sticking to our guns, pressing an issue, digging in our heels.  Sure, some of us are more yin or yang, but we all end up being a bit of both. The combination of yin and yang are what comprise the give and take of life… I think that if you are too far at the end of either of these… You might get classed by those with vulgar language as a dick or a pussy…

The Team America speech suggests a third personality type that isn’t covered by the Tao.  In the movie it is exemplified by the North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il.  Again the speech uses the word asshole… or aaahrrshole in this country.

This type of personality is someone who is very stubborn, pigheaded, or assertive.  Sounds like yang, right?  In the speech it is argued that both yin and yang can become asseholes and that yin and yang need each other to prevent each other from doing so. The speech sparked questions for me about what being an asshole really is…

What is the difference between being, on the one hand pigheaded or stubborn and on the other being principled, steadfast or committed? 

At heart, they define the same behaviour:  sticking to your belief in the face of counter-pressure or adversity. The only real difference is connotation.  If I don’t like the fact that you’re sticking to your belief, then you may get branded an asshole… Oh I can’t do the American way, I have to say arsehole…

If I like that you’re sticking to your belief, then I’ll call you principled.  Being an arsehole then, tends to be a relative term, a term we apply to believers who get in our way.  If you’re steadfastly against me, you’re an arsehole.  If you’re with me you’re principled…

It may be satisfying to declare people arseholes just because they disagree with you but using the term about like this is a primary cause of arguing and fighting.

I mean who’s to say that you’re an arsehole just because you disagree with me? Maybe I’m the arsehole not for agreeing with you? A lot of fights ground to a tie as both sides assume the other is being overly stubborn.

You know what? We all get stubborn. Stubborn is good sometimes.  But there’s something like absolute incorrigible formulaic stubbornness, worthy of the name arsehole… So here we go, my attempt at actually defining it… 

An arsehole is someone who is beyond all influence by means of some self-proclaimed infallibility, in effect saying something like: “I am a member of the one exclusive clear-thinking club.  We are the champions of truth.  I am on the side of right against wrong, and as such could never myself be wrong. I am exempt from human error.  If there is a problem the problem must be in you, not in me. It couldn’t be in me.  My faith in my convictions runs so deep that while it is sometimes amusing to debate and, of course defeat you, there really never is a debate because I’ve won before we start.  I have a deflection for any and all possible evidence you might bring against my argument, a repost that by my standards is always is valid. If you disagree, I have a deflection for that too. I am fully convinced of the validity of my arguments. Your arguments are worthless against mine.  I am infallible.”

Have you met someone like that?

The Team America speech offers the important insight that, actually one can be stubbornly yin or receptive. 

The speech argues that since the yin or the yang can both become arseholes and that they need each other. The yin need the yang to argue them down from their stubbornness.  The yang need the yin to argue them down from their gullibility. And both need each other to fight against the arseholes. Arseholes must simply be defeated because they are immune to reason or debate, having given themselves the ultimate debate-proof answers to everything.

It is my hardened belief (yes, of course I see the potential problem with that and what it says about me!) that being an arsehole by my definition is immoral, impractical, counter-productive and unjustified. 

So how about that… On this Friday I offered up some genuine intelligent discussion and opinion, some high-brow thought on what it is to be an arsehole… hahahaha… Have a great weekend 🙂