Body Language: How Can Your Hands Transform What Others Think Of You?
Attention! Anyone interested in Body Language?
How do your hands affect how you behave and how you are perceived by others?
I can remember when I was in my late teens; my Dad took me to a non-players lunch at his beloved local rugby club. We had lunch before that weeks game and the place was filled with rugby aficionados, committee members, sponsors and friends and it was a wonderful occasion.
Of course, I had to wear the local rugby club tie that my Dad had given to me and as we had drinks in the bar area before being seated for lunch, my Dad’s friends and other guests would come in and greet him and I would get introduced. I can remember that being quite young, I was not used to drinking the traditional warm ales that everyone drinks in those environments; ordering fizzy beer or lager was a crime here!
Because I was not used to drinking, after the meal, I felt weary having had a few pints and wine and port with lunch and when in the bar again afterwards, my Dad asked me what I wanted to drink. Feeling slightly worse for wear, wanting to keep my wits about me prior to the game, I asked for a half pint….. uh-oh, how I wished I had not!
“The Lord didn’t make half a day, so you won’t drink half a pint!” was one of my Dads friend’s replies upon hearing my request. “If you are going to drink with men, you have to drink like a man” was another equally sympathetic comment. Oh, the passage of rites to being a young man in green belt middle could be trying at times!
“I don’t get a good feeling about him. His handshake was strange!”
Anyway, the reason I mention this is because when I was introduced to and met lots of my Dads friends on these and similar occasions, we would shake hands to be greeted. I still have memories of all these big, burly men crushing my hand as they said hello and I am no shrinking violet!
Even in latter years when my Dad would tell me stories of what some of these people had been doing or if he had seen one of them recently, I would still find myself having a strange opinion of them because I could remember how they used to shake my hand when I met them when I was younger. Crazy stuff. Next week, I will be talking about how handshakes affect what people think of you…
Today I want to discuss one of our most important body parts: You hands. They create far more influence in life than you could possibly imagine and form an often pivotal part of non-verbal communication.
The hands have been the most important tools in human evolution and there are more connections between the brain and the hands than between any other body parts. Few people ever consider how their hands behave or the way they shake hands when they meet someone. Yet those first five to seven pumps establish whether dominance, submission or power plays will take place.
What Associations Do You make With The Palms?
Throughout history, the open palm has been associated with truth, honesty, allegiance and submission. Many oaths are still taken with the palm of the hand over the heart. Heck, even footballers do this when singing the national anthems during the World Cup. The palm is held in the air when somebody is giving evidence in court of law.
One of the most valuable clues to discovering whether someone is being honest and open or not, is to watch for palm displays. Humans generally use their palms to show submission or surrender or to show they are not a threat, they are unarmed and therefore are coming in peace.
Are Your Hands Helping You To Be More Attractive?
Hands also attract special notice in courtship. We tend to find fingers, palms and wrists incredibly appealing to look at. Dedicated centres in our temporal lobes, the cerebral lobes, located just above our ears on either side of the brain, respond exclusively to hand shapes according to research by Kandel in 1991. Both men and women are unconsciously alert to the physical appearance of each other’s hands and digits as we are to their expressive shapes and gestures.
In business, our daily lives and in the world of art, hands are our “great communicators.” Hands stand out in Michelangelo’s sculpture of David, for example, and in his paintings on the Sistine Chapel ceiling. Hands establish the contemplative mood depicted in Rodin’s masterpiece, The Thinker. Thanks to the temporal lobes, hands “speak” to us and attract almost as much notice as faces.
You Can Easily Become An Openness Detector Today!
When people want to be honest, they will often hold one or both palms out to the other person and say something like, “I didn’t do it!”, “I’m sorry if I upset you” or “I’m telling you the truth.” When someone begins to open up or be truthful, they will likely expose all or part of their palms to the other person. Like most body language signals, this is a completely unconscious gesture, one that gives you a ‘gut’ feeling or an intuitive hunch that the other person is telling the truth.
When children are lying or concealing something, they’ll often hide their palms behind their backs. Similarly, a man who wants to conceal his whereabouts after a night out with the boys might hide his palms in his pockets, or in an arms-crossed position, when he tries to explain to his partner where he was.
However, the hidden palms may give her an intuitive feeling that he is not telling the truth. A woman who is trying to hide the truth will try to avoid the subject or talk about a range of unrelated topics while doing various other activities at the same time. This is going to form another article later this year…
Salespeople are taught to watch for a customer’s exposed palms when he gives reasons or objections why he can’t buy a product, because when someone is giving valid reasons, they usually show their palms. When people are being open in explaining their reasons they use their hands and flash their palms whereas someone who isn’t telling the truth is likely to give the same verbal responses but conceal their hands.
Keeping their hands in their pockets is a favourite ploy of men who don’t want to participate in a conversation. The palms were originally like the vocal cords of body language because they did more ’talking’ than any other body part and putting them away was like keeping one’s mouth shut!
Intentional Use of the Palms To Deceive:
I get asked by lots of people, “If I tell a lie and keep my palms visible, will people be more likely to believe me?” The answer is yes - and no.
If you tell an outright lie with your palms exposed, you might still appear insincere to your listeners because many of the other gestures that should also be visible when displaying honesty are absent and the negative gestures used during lying will appear and will be incongruent with the open palms.
Con artists and professional liars are people who have developed the special art of making their non-verbal signals complement their verbal lies. The more effectively the professional con artist can use the body language of honesty when telling a lie, the netter they are at their job.
The Law Of Cause And Effect:
It is possible, however, to appear more open and credible by practising open palm gestures when communicating with others.
Interestingly, as the open palm gestures become habitual, the tendency to tell untruths diminishes. Most people find it difficult to lie with their palms exposed because of the law of cause and effect.
If a person is being open they’ll expose their palms, but just having their palms exposed makes it difficult for the person to tell a convincing lie. This is because gestures and emotions are directly linked to each other. If you feel defensive for example, you’re likely to cross your arms across your chest. But if you simply cross your arms you may well begin to experience defensive feelings. And if you are talking with your palms exposed it puts even more pressure on the other person to be truthful too. In other words, open palms can help to suppress some of the false information others may tell and encourage them to be more open with you.
More Power To The Palm!
One of the least noticed, but most powerful body signals is given by the human palm when giving someone directions or commands and in handshaking. When used in a certain way, palm power invests its user with the power of silent authority.
There are three main palm command gestures: The palm up position, the palm down position and the palm closed-finger pointed position.
Let’s say you asked someone to pick up something and carry it to another location. We’ll assume that you use the same language and tonality and facial expressions in each example, and that you change only the position of your palm.
The Palm Up Position:
The palm facing up is used as a submissive, non-threatening gesture, reminiscent of the pleading gesture of a street beggar and, from an evolutionary perspective, shows the person holds no weapons. The person being asked to move the item will not feel threatened by your request. If you want someone to talk you can use the palm up as a “handover” gesture to let them know you expect them to talk and that you’re ready to listen.
The palm up gesture became modified over the centuries and gestures like the single palm raised in the air, the palm over the heart and many other variations developed.
The Palm Down Position:
When the palm is turned to face downwards, you project immediate authority. The other person will sense that you’ve given them an order to move the item and may begin to feel antagonistic towards you, depending on your relationship with them or the position you have in the work environment.
For example, if the other person was someone of equal status, they might resist a palm down request and would be more likely to comply if you’d used the palm up position. If the person is your subordinate, the palm-down gesture is seen as acceptable because you have the authority to use it.
The Nazi salute had the palm facing directly down and was the symbol of power and tyranny during the third Reich. If Adolf Hitler had used his salute in the palm up position not as many people would have taken him seriously - they may even have laughed! At least, I would have.
When couple walk hand-in-hand the dominant partner, walks slightly in front with his hand in the above position, palm facing backwards while the other one has their palm facing forward. This simple little position immediately reveals to an observer who wears the trousers in that relationship!
Aggressive, palm down beating gestures make your ideas, opinions and remarks more forceful as you speak, but they are decidedly unappealing to many, and especially in courtship or attraction. Like the sumo wrestlers foot stomp, palm down gestures are controlled subcortically by basal ganglia.
The basal ganglia are primeval motor centres embedded in our brain’s cerebral hemispheres that govern a reptilian display called the High Stand. Like when iguana’s push-up to seem “bigger” to rival males, our palm down gestures derive from the ancestral high stand display. Down turned palms are less attractive because they suggest power at the expense of friendliness.
In the 1950s, Elvis Presley gestured with upturned palms to draw women near. The palm down hand signals of today’s rap singers seem to say “get out of my face.”
The Palm Closed-Finger pointed Position:
The palm closed finger pointed is a fist where the finger is used like a symbolic club which the speaker figuratively beats the listeners into submission. Subconsciously, it evokes negative feelings in others because it precedes a right over-arm blow, a primal move most primates use in a physical attack.
The palm closed finger pointed gesture is one of the most annoying gestures anyone can use while speaking, particularly when it beats to the speaker’s words. In some countries such a and the , finger pointing at a person is an insult and so the thumb is used to give direction.
Research has shown that speakers who use the finger pointed position are considered aggressive, belligerent and rude! The audience will often become pre-occupied with making personal judgements about you rather than listening to the content of what you are saying, and you don’t want that do you?
To avoid this, you can squeeze your fingers against your thumb to make an ok type of gesture and talk using this position, you’ll then come across authoritative but not aggressive. I have taught this gesture to groups of speakers, politicians and business leaders and audience reactions to those using the finger tip touch gesture were seen as thoughtful, goal-oriented and focused. Tony Blair always points and iterates his words with this gesture when speaking and when in interviews.
I was speaking recently at a big event in central
As Zara spoke, she held her wineglass in two hands. Karen rarely gestured, but when she did gesticulate she dropped her left hand to a position slightly below her wineglass, flipped her hand downward, and made choppy, up-and-down motions with her fingers stiffly extended. Zara’s palm down gestures added authority to her words but did not personally “connect” connect with the men.
Angela’s palm-up gestures were frequent and friendly. Her left hand reached out and appealed for attention. Zara’s gestures were sporadic, emphatic and intense. A palm was nowhere to be seen, and her hand’s jerky, baton like motions made her seem less friendly and not as approachable. How did the men respond? They gave Angela noticeably more attention. They looked and smiled at her more, and head nodded and gestured more - with palm up gestures of their own!
See how you can use your palms to really make a difference today.
