Adam Up

Soooo… A new month is very nearly upon us and we have a very new and different theme… We'd like to spend this summer month getting revitalized, rejuvenated, healthy and filled with the uplifting spirit of well-being!

"Well, that sounds much like what everyone always says, Adam… What's new?"

Good question, well asked… Let yourself discover each week for this next month… Be patient… Allow yourself to be curious and look forward to each new step.

I think when anyone considers getting revitalized and rejuvenated and uplifted, they need to look at how much they are caring for themselves.

What makes you feel cared for? Most people, when they are asked this question, come up with an answer that involves someone else. One person on a course of mine said that it meant having someone cook for her. Another said it was having a massage. Someone else said it was having tea brought to them each morning in bed. Perhaps these related to early memories: being fed, cuddled or wrapped in a warm towel after a bath.

Feeling cared for usually involves actions which let you know that you matter. Invariably, we assume that this means we're cared for by another, that we're special in their eyes.

However, a question I am keen to ask this month is: Do you feel cared for by yourself?

Go on, ask yourself that question… Really honestly? What did you answer?

It amazes me how often the answer is 'No'. Too often people are trying to get from others what they're not giving to themselves. When you start caring for yourself, though, it has a remarkable knock-on effect: others begin to follow your example and care for you too. It's as if you've just become credible: now you're willing to care for yourself, you're someone worth caring for.

So let's be clear that one of your most crucial caregivers needs to be yourself. Who else knows you so well, spends so much time with you …and also stands to benefit so much?

Some people find it hard to allow themselves to become a priority. In my experience, if you don't take care of yourself you will eventually deplete the very resources you need to take care of anyone else. So even in terms of other people's needs, it doesn't make sense to put yourself last.

Giving yourself at least an equal amount of care often requires adjusting your beliefs and priorities. It may even impinge on your sense of who you are — your identity. If you think of yourself as a carer, whether professional or not, you may find it difficult to allow your own needs to come into the picture sufficiently.

I'd love you to take some action… That is, get interactive with this week's Adam Up…

Ok, so first up today… Make a list of things that make you feel cared for. Go on, it is all well and good reading this ezine, it is rendered impotent if you do not get some action into your brain too!

Now make a list of things you'd do if you were really caring for yourself. It is all well and good having someone else care for you — it is not enough though. So how about making a decision today, I mean a really good decision, to start taking even more care of yourself at a variety of levels?

Taking care of yourself in a regular way that relates directly to your own feelings is much better value than taking care of yourself indirectly. In fact, if you can't, don't or won't do it directly, you'll almost certainly find ways of doing it indirectly. This can snowball into results you'd never deliberately choose.

Many 'unwanted' behaviours like smoking or overeating can easily become habits because they're quick-fix attempts to give yourself something. A recent client of mine came to see me to stop smoking when I asked him what he reason was that he was a smoker he told me: "It is the only thing I do for me."

Hmmm…

Taking care of yourself is also an important anti-burnout measure. Otherwise caring for others can be a high-risk occupation. Many nurses and care-workers, for example, become overweight and unfit because they snatch edible treats in odd moments on long shifts and either find it difficult to plan in exercise or just feel too tired. Many doctors drink too much, or become so stressed that they break down or commit suicide. Watch the mothers waiting outside a primary school: how many look exhausted, dishevelled, weighed down? Look at the business people on the train or tube. How many look rested, cheerful, energetic?

Enough of this! This month we are putting pay to that kind of old style, outmoded behaviour, aren't we? "Yes, Adam!"

There are simple, regular, easy ways to take care of yourself — provided that you make yourself a priority and take time to find out exactly what things make you feel cared for.

Have a think about your life right now… If you had to weigh up the balance of your physical, emotional, mental, spiritual well-being, looking after your finances, your health, your life enjoyment and anything else… What would need to change here for you to be happy with what it shows you about your care of self?

Taking care can happen at many levels: physical, spiritual, mental, emotional. It can include basic necessities and extra treats. It's more meaningful, and helps you develop much more profoundly if it happens regularly — preferably every day. After all these years in the personal development field of work, I still take plenty of time every single day to care for and invest my time and energy in myself… And I lead one of the busiest lives of anyone I have met.

Give yourself an honest self-care rating out of 10 for each of the following:

• Physical well-being
• Emotional well-being
• Mental well-being
• Spiritual well-being.

Look at your scores again: could they be more balanced across these areas? What could you do in the immediate future to raise your lowest scores? Are you satisfied? Should you be?

Now make a list of what you actually do to take care of yourself under each of those headings. Do you know how to take care of yourself in all four areas? If not, who could be a model for you?

Did you find any serious blind spots? Often, it's only when you take stock like this — or when you hear someone else talking about what they do and realise you have never even thought of that — that you could possibly do with more care in your everyday life.

How many successful business executives have taught themselves to ignore exhaustion, disorientation, mental and physical burnout, loneliness and jet-lag as they rush around the world? Blimey, I meet loads of them… How many mothers of young children have taught themselves to blank out a need for intellectual stimulus because, "there isn't time," and, "I'm just too tired."

Redressing such imbalances doesn't mean that you have to add self-care as yet another chore to your list of 'to-dos', making you feel even more overwhelmed. It means that you need to make active, considered choices about what your priorities are, and good self-care has to be among them.

Rather than just admonishing yourself for failing to take good enough care of yourself, why not give yourself some really good reasons for making it a priority?

Start by taking one of the areas in which you feel your self-care is minimal or lacking, and find out what you are currently prioritising instead. Many people find contradictions here: for example, they may believe in taking time to relax, but somehow just as they sit down they think of something else that needs doing first. Does relaxation ever come first?

In what ways could you continue to honour these beliefs by actually freeing up time and attention to care for yourself more? Without self-care most other things you do will suffer in the end. Self-maintenance is actually the foundation that provides the energy and well-being you need to take care of the things that are important to you.

Simple ideas for taking care of yourself:

• Find a variety of ways in which you can take care of yourself. Make sure that you include immediate, simple, cost-free ones that may seem trivial. For example, you could give yourself a few minutes to look at a magazine, or phone a friend or walk in the park.
• Build self-care into a habit. Tack some self-care patterns onto other habits you already have — like cleaning your teeth or taking the dog for a walk — by fitting them in just before or just after your established habit. Making use of sequencing in this way will help your new patterns get established.
• Become curious about the ways other people take care of themselves, and model them. Ask two friends what they do. Would that work for you?
• Experiment. Try something new today, or tomorrow. Can you find one day this month when you could have an entire morning, or an entire evening, or even an entire day to yourself? What will you do with it?
• Take care of yourself every day in at least two different ways. Use two other ways tomorrow.
• Get yourself energized with self-hypnosis…

Yes indeed, I want to share with you a really nice self-hypnosis technique to get yourself energized and revitalized and feeling more capable of investing time and energy in yourself… So that you take this week to truly care for yourself. And that is going to prime us perfectly for what is coming up in the next few weeks here in Adam Up.

Step One:

Find a comfortable place where you are undisturbed, ensure your hands feet are not touching each other and focus on the moment.

Concentrate on your breathing, letting the air come into your nose and out your mouth.

If you know how, take yourself into self-hypnosis… If you do not know how, go get my book, The Secrets of Self-Hypnosis… Or just use whatever relaxation technique or meditation strategy you know to get relaxed and get your mind receptive.

Once you are in a good, deep, receptive state, then proceed to the next step.

Step Two:

Imagine you are in a tunnel… Whether you see it, sense it, imagine it or pretend you can imagine it, trust that you are doing this in the way that is right for you.

Imagine that the tunnel is long and you are unable to see the end at the moment because there is very little light… Start walking down the tunnel… Maybe imagine that each step you take, you go deeper inside your mind (you might want to tell yourself that too). Tell yourself that you feel safer and more protected with each step you take… At the back of the tunnel you begin to see, sense or imagine lots of tiny flecks of bright light flashing… The tiny lights are moving quickly and flashing on and off…

Take all the time necessary to really get this vividly occurring in your mind in the manner that feels right to you.

Step Three:

Walk towards the lights at your own pace… As you get closer to the lights, you realise that they are actually atoms of energy. The atoms of energy are moving quickly through the tunnel… Thousands and thousands of atoms are flickering their light on and off. It is a joy to watch for a moment… Watch as these lights seem to flicker around you… Inside your mind, raise your hand and hold it out with the palm up. Beckon them toward you… Then sense, expect and feel the energy of the atoms as they land in your palm.

Again, take all the time necessary to get this nice and vivid inside your mind.

Step Four:

Now watch as the energy is being absorbed within the palm of your hand… Delight in it happening… Heck, smile at it happening! Your hand continues to absorb as much energy as you need to be revitalised, rejuvenated.

Watch and feel this energy pouring and coursing into your body, giving your body more and more of the energy it needs. Watch and feel this energy going into your mind too, giving your mind all the energy it needs. Imagine a slight higher vibration in your mind… Nice, eh? Feel the energy coursing through your body, your mind. Making you feel and be more and more powerful and strong, giving you an increasingly positive thought process…

Take as much time as you want to truly absorb and develop this sensation of the energy inspiring your senses.

Step Five:

Once you feel and sense that you have absorbed the most optimum amount of energy for you and your heightened well-being — an amount that ensures you feel more and more capable of caring for yourself — notice and feel how it sparkles within you… Imagine that… Feel the power growing and vibrating inside you. Turn and walk out of the tunnel. As you walk out, you can feel the energy staying within you… You are happier and happier and feel so much more energized.

Step Six:

When you have absorbed as much of this as you can, open your eyes, wiggle your fingers and toes and go about your life — imagine that glowing, pulsing vibrant energy with you… Then go and use it in a way that ensures you invest more of your time and energy in truly taking care of yourself this week!

The River Booze…

Hahahahaha. Very funny. Again, thank you to all those of you who send me the jokes, I love getting them. And thanks to all our members in the forum that continue to add so many hilarious ones!