The Grumpy Hypnotherapist : Hypnotherapist Turns Into Grumpy Old Man
Ok, so it didn’t happen overnight and usually there is a single subject to my ranting on the blog, a venting of spleen and then I go about my merry way. This morning, I am airing my top three current grievances… Brace yourself.
When I played boys football, my coach from the under 10s league right up to the under 14s (after which I was poached by a far better team, aged 13, something I remain proud of to this day) the team talk always ended with Mr Ray Willis telling us that we all had to give 110%. One hundred and ten per cent. As far as I was aware of in those days, I gave it my all and never gave the expression much thought.
Over the years the notion of people using similar terms has begun to grate on me and it has got unbearable. It all reached it’s climax this weekend just gone. The new season of X-Factor has started and there were a couple of very good performances, as the judges each gave their ‘yes’ verdict, the camera ended on Simon Cowell. Instead of saying his usual “you got 4 yes’s” or something along those lines, he said “8 million per cent yes.”
How goddam incorrect can a statement be? There is no such thing as 8 million per cent. Per cent comes from the term ‘per centum’ meaning of 100, of one hundred. If you have 100% of something, you cannot have more, it is the upmost maximum of that thing that you can have… Ok, in mathematical equations and so on, you can have higher than 100%, you can have more than 100% of your RDA (recommended Daily Allowance) of vitamin C, though your tummy and subsequent bowel movements may not appreciate it… But 8 million per cent sure about something? Giving 110% effort in a football game??
For some reason, this makes my head want to explode.
*Takes deep breath*
Secondly, are the magazines (mens and womens) that have headlines on the front that say “8 ways to turn him on” or “5 Top Sex Tips” etc etc. These glossy magazine articles that insist if you somehow apply these mechanical steps or tips, you’ll be able to sexually light up any other man or woman… This stuff sells magazines.
Are you telling me that every single man or woman has exactly the same buttons? I’m telling you now, I know for a fact that one person applying such methods on me would have very different levels of success than another. Surely we are not all the same, surely not all people respond to the same techniques laid out in the magazines?
I mean, I’ve seen stag party members carrying around inflatables (most Saturday nights in Bournemouth town centre), but are we really nearing the age whereby sex robots will be able to apply these tips and strategies and become the ultimate lover to every single person on the planet?
I don’t think so…
*Another deep breath*
Then there is my final curent grievance. I have received numerous emails from companies and individuals telling me how to build my hypnotherapy practice. Was it not bad enough that I get sales people offering me advertising space on small placards in the local post office so that “people queuing will get to read about my service”?? Hahahaha. Seriously, I have been offered advertising on fridge magnets for the local NHS trust, on the local fire services calendars, in new age pamphlets, on a display in a hair salon waiting area, in Doctors surgeries… I am not an idiot. And Only an idiot would spend money in that way.
Oh no, that is not enough, to add insult to injury, there are now huge numbers of people insisiting they know how to help hypnotherapists build busy hypnotherapy practices… Admitted, some are ok… But most are not. In fact most should not be allowed to offer such.
Each time I go and check out the people offering this service, or this workshop, they are able to book clients in the very next day when asked. Surely if they are teaching others how to build a successful hypnotherapy practice, they’d be running a busy hypnotherapy practice themselves, no? Their website has an Alexa ranking of 20 million or something, quite obviously no-one goes to their website… Yet they are telling me they can build my practice?
If someone was incredibly busy, had an incredibly busy website and was able to demonstrate properly that they were in fact a bona fide busy hypnotherapist, making a good living and could show me a way of genuinely doing that, then I (ie. Mr average consumer) might consider it. But someone who has done some training, then is teaching some methods that someone else showed them – pah! Someone who is not a busy therapist looking to earn money by running practice building workshops – pah! Schools whose teachers no longer actually see individual clients offering to tell how to develop a busy practice – pah!
You people need green goo pooured on your heads! (Like in Tiswas, the 1980s kids TV show)
Real life experience of having a busy, thriving therapy practice, proveable and reliable methods, and none of these theoretical, quick-fix types of strategies that do not apply to real-life business is the order of the day. Any of you looking to develop your therapy business, ask these people to show you some evidence of how busy they are, or what income they generate, or to show you others that they have helped to do well and thrive… There seem to be as many people running practice building workshops as there are therapists practicing these days.
If someone is telling you they can help you set up a successful online business and website to enhance your own hypnotherapy business, then have a look at their site. have a look at how busy it is, does any traffic actually go to it? Do they convert visitors into customers? Is it just a bland template that any idiot could set up for you in 10 minutes and then leave you with it?
There are so many awful looking websites, and when you look at the analytics of those websites, you see that no-one visits the site, let alone makes a decision to invest in the services of the website owner!
You people out there running these workshops and courses… Go and learn how to do what it is you are attempting to show others to do first!
That’s better. I have a busy client day today… So am off to deal with them now that I have that little lot off my chest.
*Big smile on face*
Ps. Don’t you love the picture of the English bulldog? Aaahhh… That’s the best Grumpy picture I could organise today….