(Ref: ‘Provocative Therapy’ By Frank Farrelly)

Ok then… We seem to have gotten off on the wrong foot here… and there are far more diplomatic ways of getting your point across. Each of our points of view, perspectives and methodologies are valid in some way to each of us.

My work is underpinned by a want to do good and enhance the wellness and quality of life for as many people as possible… That notion exists throughout this post of mine, which I think anyone can read and observe. My work is also underpinned by a sense of humour that is inherent in all my books, articles, audio programmes, speaking events around the world and so on…

In a nutshell, I was not suggesting that someone classed as ‘shy’ needs to develop a ‘stiff upper lip’, for goodness sake… I was implying that we need to consider the implications of the mind when we label things an ‘illness’ – a label gives gravity to the relationship we have with such a disorder and can even give someone the unconscious thought process to think it is ok to have that illness – which may well debilitate their life.

As you have pointed out there are many modailities of therapy that can provide solutions; they can provide those solutions even more effectively if the individual is not concreting the issue in a foundation of having labelled it an ‘illness’ – it insinuates there is nothing that can be done!

By the way – I’d love you to quote some of the genetic research you refer to – I’d be fascinated to read it. It has always been my experience – in my work with thousands of people – that individuals who are shy have learnt to be that way through a variety of sources, experiences and circumstances. I’d love to read an alternate viewpoint.

Thank you for your contribution – I’d really appreciate it (if you choose to write here again) that you consider being a bit more kind in the way you communicate your feelings on my blog – especially the way you refer to me!

I know there is a good intention sat underneath the defamatory remarks made (I am licking my wounds as I type…) and that is why I chose to allow your post to be published here. Maybe let the anger subside prior to writing next time… As the Dalai Lama recommends in his book ‘Destructive Emotions.’

Best wishes.

I didn’t need drugs. But some shy people do! Shyness at the extreme is an illness. It should be authenticated. That was part of my problem too as a child. I believe I would have gotten help sooner if people hadn’t of thought, oh, you’re just shy. All you need to do is go to more parties. I go to plenty of parties, now. I am not as shy as I once was, but now my introversion gets in the way. I am not as motivated to socialize as most people. This has mainly been a problem in a job situation. My friends and family get that I am only staying at the social event for a specific amount of time or that I crave time alone even when being with them.

What eventually helped me was desensitization. I had to work. To work I had to pretend I wasn’t shy or introverted to get an interview. The next step, therapy. I had intermittent therapy but it helped, particularly cognitive behavioral therapy. Next step, actual social skills training and lots of self-help books on how to start a conversation, how to approach people, etc. Things I never learned in the first place. (My mother was also shy with few friends, so I had no social role models). Lastly, for introversion, acceptance and extreme self-care. I know I can only take people in small doses. I know I will never be a social butterfly, and that’s OK. I am not bad or broken.
Shy people need help. It is an illness. It should definitely be authenticated. Some shy people do need medication, depending upon the severity of their symptoms. You cannot shame anyone out of their shyness. We know that the world won’t end if we speak up or that throngs of people will laugh us out of existence if we do. That’s part of the definition of shyness. Unreasonable fear and anxiety one is unable to overcome. Don’t insult us with platitudes about getting over it and other band-aid cures. If it was truly that simple, do you think anybody would be shy? Most shy people cannot overcome their anxiety alone. Some people you think are shy are really introverts. Introverts don’t care to socialize much, they tend to be naturally quiet, that’s OK. Some introverts can be shy. But shyness and introversion are not the same.

Being shy incorporates a large number of assumptions that are often untrue, incorrect, or non-existant. Worrying what people think, for example, assumes that they are thinking about you and not truly engaged in what you are discussing… It is that sort of assumption that leads to uncomfortable exchanges and reinforces the belief in the need to be shy…

Shy people – pah! The trouble you cause!