Shyness An Illness??? The Audacity Of Shy People!!
I work with lots of people that blush in social circumstances and meet lots of people that are incredibly shy and wish to overcome it and behave differently in social circumstances… The BBC are reporting that shyness is on the verge of being an official illness and some schools of thought believe that certain anti-depressant drugs are the cure… What?! What?! What?!
Ok, this is unbelievable and typical of how we as a society are choosing to deal with things that are relatively simple to overcome. By classing it as an illness, labelling it, giving a prescription ‘cure’ is simply going to make things worse in my opinion. I am going to make a statement that is going to agitate some people, upset others and may make me appear insensitive… Ready for it?…..
I think if you are shy you have some major audacity.
How audacious! Being shy? You have some front!! (Takes tongue out of cheek…)
To worry about what others think in social circumstances… I mean, can’t you get on with thinking your own thoughts without having to think for everyone else you encounter too??!!
Let me run you through a scenario here… Someone who blushes sees a work colleague that they are vaguely familiar with in the supermarket and attempts to avoid eye contact, worried about blushing (they are worried that the other person is going to see them blush) - but then the colleague spots that person, shouts a hello, gets the attention, and that someone goes and blushes… They notice they are getting hot and red in the face and notice the other person noticing and it makes them more red and hot and embarrassed, the other person is considerate and attempts to be kind and comfortable which is unusual behaviour and triggers more discomfort… All because the our blusher is worrying like crazy about the other persons thoughts about them!
This is extreme audacity.
What an accomplishment though. What a clever thing to do, eh? If you sat down with someone and said “Ok, make your heart race, push all the blood to the surface of your skin, increase your heart rate” It is unlikely that they will do so. Yet, a few triggers switching in their brain and they send themselves into an incredible state of worry, insular thoughts of insecurity, and you act in a way that inhibits you and is likely to influence the thoughts of others far more than if you were not being shy.
It is funny isn’t it? Often a shy person actually stands out more than people who are not… The quiet ones with little to say, or who are embarassed to say it are noted for being that way.
Ok, shy people, what do you think is going to happen? Is everyone going to gather around, laugh at you and pick holes in every aspect of who you are every time you speak? If so, then stop hanging around with such people. Lets be honest, they are not going to do that, are they? We cannot be immune to every eventuality because usual interaction and life is going to create some moments which may be uneasy, again though, learning how to overcome and move onwards is better than suppressing such learnings and experiences with drugs!
Now then, I am going to stop with the brashness. I empathise greatly with those that for whatever reason are shy or have social anxiety of any kind, it can be debilitating, but you know what, labelling it ‘an illness’ and prescribing drugs is making more of it and authenticating it… With the right help, with the right mode of understanding how to use your mind to help you feel safe in your own skin and being able to step out of that shell bravely and to be the fullest possible expression of yourself as you want to be is far, far easier than people realise.
It is tougher than taking a tablet, agreed. But wouldn’t you rather know your own mind properly? Wouldn’t you rather know how to use it for good rather than the seeming forces of evil that are embarassment, unnecessary social anxiety and shyness? Isn’t that better than numbing it with drugs? That is just like sweeping it under the carpet… Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, NLP, Modern Hypnotherapy, even conventional psychology all offer solutions than are going to do a shy person much more good in my opinion.
If I seemed a little unsympathetic today, that is because I am. I am not insensitive, heck, I am a therapist: Sympathy, drugs, authenticating shyness as an ‘official illness is not what is needed. The real help comes in the form of knowing how to feel self-assured in any environment and that comes in many other more constructive ways….
Have a read of this BBC article that sparked me off today, let me know your thoughts, I know I am going to be tuning in to the radio show mentioned too.
Gráinne Says:
March 5th, 2008 at 8:57 am
Money, money, money, money, money is what springs to mind when I read something like this. I’m not for a minute suggesting that people do not have problems, and I realise that, for some, social anxiety/phobia can be incredibly limiting and upsetting. What worries me is that for some reason, everything can be treated by taking an SSRI (antidepressant). Maybe I’m a cynic, but it seems awfully suspicious that so many trials suggest that drugs can be used to treat all manner of psychological and social problems. One of the problems facing hypnosis and other psychological interventions is the lack of well-performed trials with adequate numbers. Meta-analyses of trials performed find it difficult to prove an adequate effect because the trials are often performed badly on small numbers. This problem does not apply to the drug companies who manage to sponsor many of the trials. They can recruit enough people to make it look like their product is effective. And, when it comes to a medication that is having a psychological effect, then placebo effect also plays a huge part. An interesting review from the Cochrane collaboration [http://www.mrw.interscience.wiley.com/cochrane/clsysrev/articles/CD003012/frame.html] compared an active placebo (which gave side-effects expected with active drug) to antidepressants…and found that there was only a small benefit in taking the active drug! What is more worrying is that antidepressants are being used to treat low back pain also…and Cochrane could not find ANY benefit.
I’m not anti-medication by any means. If a member of my family was severely depressed, suicidal, not eating etc; I would most certainly recommend that they take the medications. I don’t think they’re the full solution though and I think we are doing people a disservice if that is ALL that is offered. The counselling/hypnotherapy/psychotherapy side is often neglected and should really be playing a vital role.
I won’t even get into the “medicalisation” of social problems or personality traits. Interesting to note though that homosexuality was included in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) until the current edition. What next? Peanut butter addiction disorder? Ranting disorder? I’m sure I’d fit into a few categories…
Grrr!
Adam Eason Says:
March 5th, 2008 at 9:03 am
That is fascinating Gráinne, thank you! I think I would also fit into a couple of those categories… Maybe if they made peanut butter flavour tablets to overcome ranting disorder, I could kill two birds with one stone!
Gráinne Says:
March 5th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Me too! Except I’d end up needing another tablet to overcome my addiction to the peanut butter anti-ranting tablets…and it could all get rather messy! Hmmmm….
Hypnosis » Blog Archive » Hypnotized sucking aka Hypnosis Sucks Says:
March 5th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
[…] Shyness An Illness??? The Audacity Of Shy People!! […]
faa Says:
March 6th, 2008 at 2:09 am
Thanks for the inspiring post. I learnt from http://www.whatcausespanicattacks.com about overcoming shyness. It has an interesting guide. Thought that I might share with you.
Jules Says:
March 15th, 2008 at 5:44 am
Reading this reminded me of something I read many years ago that made a huge impression on me. It was an article saying how shy people were selfish -not my words! and maybe a little harsh I felt then..and even now. But I can understand what they were meaning. The reasoning behind the comment was similar to yours Adam. They felt that people who were shy in social situations, did not bother to think abut how they made other people feel, how uncomfortable people were when they were left to do all the talking or, there were long silences left to be filled. They went on to say, if a shy person stopped thinking of themselves and thought about how others were feeling and trying to make THEM more comfortable, they wouldn’t have time to think about themselves. I think there are times when we are all left a bit tongue tied and wonder afterwards ‘why?’ But, ever since reading that article ( in my teens- and I am now JUST the right side of 50), it is something that crosses my mind alot and I have put into practice many times. Anyone reading this who tends to feel shy; use it, it really DOES work. Jules
Adam Eason Says:
March 17th, 2008 at 6:23 am
Thank you very much for that Jules
Being shy incorporates a large number of assumptions that are often untrue, incorrect, or non-existant. Worrying what people think, for example, assumes that they are thinking about you and not truly engaged in what you are discussing… It is that sort of assumption that leads to uncomfortable exchanges and reinforces the belief in the need to be shy…
Shy people - pah! The trouble you cause!